So ridiculous

When to see the doctor at 1PM. Went early so that I can register (since it was my first time). Didn't get to see the doctor until 1:30PM (even though I had an appointment, so much like Sg where an appointment doesn't mean shit). Then got to see the doctor for 2 mins. What a bloody waste if my time! He didn't do anything but tell me what I already knew ("this happened because some of your muscle fibres... blah, blah") and told me to go the chemist (Sg's equivalent of pharmacist) and get some pain killers that had muscle relaxant in it, an on the shelf drug! If I know that was all, I would have just to the chemist in the morning and not suffer until 1:30PM with the pain. So ridiculous.

I found out from one of my colleague that the medical here in Au is not totally free. Their 'medi-care' thingy is free only for certain things. First off, medical here is NOT free. If you visit the doctor and want it to be free, you'll have to visit a gahmen one and if my visit to the doctor is anything to go by, it would be a long wait. If you go private, you'll be able to 'claim' a percentage of what you paid. Hospitalisation is also 'claimable'. Ambulance service is expensive unless you take up an insurance. If you go to the A&E, you have to pay for it, in full. No claiming.

Gosh, you pay so much in taxes and realise in the end, the medical is not free or even well subsidised. You have to pay for all drugs that you get even if the doctor prescribed it. So even (like me) you can get the doctor's consultation for free, you'll still have to pay for the medication. You'll still have to go to the chemist to get it. From what I can tell the only people that benefit from the high taxes, through welfare, are the young, able bodied people who are too lazy to work.

I really pray that nothing will happen to me during my stay here. I really don't fancy having to pay for my medical bills.

Bad bad bad

Gosh, woke up today with a sprained upper back (somewhere in my right shoulder blade area). It really hurt like hell when I sat up from bed. Have no idea how it came about. Going to see the doctor later at 1PM. Will write more after. Ouch!

Turning to a couch potato

Gosh, realised today that I'm really turning into a couch potato. I'm watching more TV now than I've ever watched in Sg. In Sg I hardly watch much TV, maybe 2 hours a week. Yup, a week. I was that active. Going to the gym, dancing, yoga, dinner with friends, going out with T, etc. so much so that I hardly have time for myself. Now, I have so much time on my hands and I don't know what to do with it except to watch TV. So pathetic!

At least in the coming week I'm going to make things change. I'm starting my personal training at my gym this week. After such a long break (of not doing weights seriously) I don't even know if I'd be able to lift the weights I used to lift. Anyway, it is the least of my worries since I'm paying someone else to do it. I hope to take up a package with this trainer of mine, will talk to him about it after and see how much it would cost me.

Told T about this cute guy (Chinese or at least Asian) that was at class today (gym class). He was really cute and had the type of body that I drool over. :P He was doing the class in front of me (his side was facing me), so I kept stealing glances at him. Can't help but feel that I know him from somewhere, just can't seem to place it.

The 2-Variable Intuition Test

I found this test and did it for fun. :)

Very Well-Rounded You have: 70% SCIENTIFIC INTUITION and 62% EMOTIONAL INTUITION

The graph on the right represents your place in Intuition 2-Space. As you can see, you scored above average on emotional intuition and above average on scientific intuition. (Weirdly, your emotional and scientific intuitions are equally strong.) Your Emotional Intuition score is a measure of how well you understand people, especially their unspoken needs and sympathies. A high score score usually indicates social grace and persuasiveness. A low score usually means you're good at Quake. Your Scientific Intuition score tells you how in tune you are with the world around you; how well you understand your physical and intellectual environment. People with high scores here are apt to succeed in business and, of course, the sciences. Try my other test! The 3 Variable Funny Test It rules.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 56% on Scientific You scored higher than 38% on Interpersonal

Link: The 2-Variable Intuition Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

First month

Wow, I have been working here for a month already! So cool. I have been in Australia for 7 weeks already. Wow rather fast, almost 2 months already.

Still haven't got used to the erratic weather, doubt I ever will. Have been living in USA (San Francisco and Portland) and the weather has NOT been as erratic as this. It can be very cold and then very hot all in a span of 1 hour. And the clouds, gosh, it can be bright and sunny with no clouds in the sky and then in 5 min the dark clouds can appear and then it will rain.

Stupid weather.

Next generation iPod mini, the iPod nano

Gosh, the new iPod nano (just unveiled today) is just so small and beautiful! I'm so tempted to get one but then I don't even use my iPod now since I don't have long journeys anymore.

My current iPod is the 2nd iPod that own. I had the 1st gen iPod, the original :), then T bought me my current one (3rd gen) the year before (2003) for my birthday.

Trust in God

This hymn is playing in my head again.

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His word will still remain
He will do something new today

This usually happens when I have a lot of things on my mind about the future (should I, would I what if...) and realised that I'm stressing myself out for no reason whatsoever. This hymn makes me rethink my position and realise that God will bless me in whatever the future holds. God will not make send me anything I cannot handle. So I should just give God my life and let God be the driver and hope that I'll not be a back seat driver.

T is back in Singapore at last :). He returned very late (3AM Melbourne time). So tonight can chat with him. Hooray. :)

So excited

I'm so excited, T is returning to Singapore today. He was no vacation since Saturday, so we haven't 'spoken' since Sat. Wow, 3 days. It is really funny, we are not living together and furthermore, not living in the same country and yet our daily (or almost daily) 'chatting' on the net and webcaming makes it tolerable to being apart. During these 3 days, it was really difficult. It was amazing.

During these 3 days, I realise how much I truly love him. How much I really cherish him. We do have our differences but we seem to work them out all the time, our communication is really wonderful. He has a 'we can work everything out' attitude.

So here I am waiting patiently for him to return and come online. :)

I miss my life

As much as I said that I've settled down in Australia (since it has been 6 weeks), somehow it doesn't feel like home. I miss T a lot and I think that is the major reason why I'm not really settling down. The other is the fact that I'm all alone here. No friends except for my roommate. I think that if T was here, it would feel more like home but then again it might not.

I've written to HDB to see if I'd be able to buy a HDB flat while still working here in Australia. If that is possible, I'll ask my parents to have a look around (in Holland V) and see if there are any good buys. And maybe get them to legally buy it. I hope that it is possible. It would be in 3 years (or actually 2.5 years) but no harm it finding out things earlier.

I really do miss my life in Singapore. My being so busy and having loads of friends. I think I do miss my Singapore routine.

I'm so bored

Gosh, I really need to find friends. Friends of my own. After a month here, I'm starting to get bored with my routine. I was so active in Singapore, not only because of going to the gym but also my other activities like ballroom dancing. But now, I only go to the gym and it is not as fun as in Singapore because I have no friends in the gym. So I don't know how long I can keep this up before I get bored out of my mind.

It will be difficult to make friends here and now, especially when I'm not studying. I wonder where can I make friends from? Well, if God willing, I should move out of my routine and start going out with social gay groups. That is provided I can take the first step. Well, it will happen, just have to venture out of my comfort zone (again). :)

Freezing... indoors

Today is so ridiculous! The office is much colder than it is outside, it is windy outside. Can you imagine how awful it is. As much as I like the cold, this is ridiculous for an office. My fingers are so cold that it is clamming up, I can hardly type and it is my work progress so much slower than it is suppose to. Gosh. There were people moving in and out trying to fix the problem but until now (they started since yesterday) nothing seems to have been done. I really can't wait to go out into the heat. This is almost as bad as my company in Singapore; Very cold inside, very warm outside but here it is very cold inside but warmer outside. Less of a contrast.

Last night I had the shock of my life. A return ticket to Singapore in December will cost me AUD1400 or so. I couldn't believe it. I have never paid that much for a plane ticket before except when I was going to New York. The prices I checked was from zuji.com and it only had Singapore Air and Qantas so it could be rather high because of that. Those 2 airlines have never been known for cheap fares. I'll be going down to a travel agent this weekend to check out the prices and maybe make a reservation. I just hope I'll just have to spend about AUD1000 on it. If I went back at some other time it would cost much less. Well, what to do, if not for my parents, I wouldn't bother at all but wait until next March or so to return and do some shopping.

Another incident happened last night that I couldn't understand. I had a 'depression' attack. I became so down at about 9PM or so and it was so weird. I realised one cause was because I miss T so much. It seems after so long (about 3.5 weeks) this feeling has not really subsided. I think I'm just getting used to it and not really miss him less. Is that how people really cope, by getting used to things? I just hope attacks like that wouldn't happen too often. It is bad enough last night, T was so worried and was wondering what was happening to me. I couldn't even understand it. Maybe I just need more friends to have that human contact that a 'people person' like me craves. :P

So lost today

Today is another day where I'm letting the future get to me. I know that I'm suppose to all God to lead me for my coming here was part of God's divine will. What God has in store for me (and T) I really cannot comprehend. And basically that is the problem. I keep having this feeling that I want to get back to Singapore as fast as possible, I don't know if that stems from either:

1) The fact that I'm more or less alone here and have no friends as yet
2) That T is not here with me and I'm feeling his absence more and more
3) The unknown future (like how to deal with my parents visiting me and T when T comes over, should I buy a house here...)

So many things and too much to worry about. That is my problem, I know in my heart that God has sent me here for a reason and I'm to find that out. Whether I'll be stay in Australia for the rest of my life and another matter altogether, but that is what I'm worrying about. I really like it here but there are too many unknowns at this moment (parents, T, friends or lack there of) that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Gosh, Lord, I really need to calm myself down and put all my trust in you, knowing that you'll bless me in my life and that in the end everything will turn out well if I just let you guide. I just hope that I'll be able to do that, letting the Lord guide me that is. Being human, we tend to believe in our own power, thinking that we have control of our lives and planning for the future would be the only way to go but we keep forgetting about the parable of the rich man and his rich harvest (the one where he wanted to tear down his barns and build bigger ones but the Lord called him a fool because he was going to die that night). I must remember that and forget about my worries because with God in the drivers seat, we can sleep comfortable in the back knowing that things will turn out right.

Saving Face

It really is watching shows like this that allows me to really really appreciate NO censorship. "Saving Face" is a movie by Alice Wu (written and directed). The movie is not bad. The beginning part really played up the Chinese community, the cultural aspects of things. It's portray of the Chinese community and its cultural was very accurate but the ending was a let down, Alice allowed her wants and fantasies to overshadow the reality of the situations. Thus it became a typical Hollywood happy ending (girl gets girl, mother gets her man), even though it is really culturally not possible. Not for majority of the Chinese community anyway.

There was this part where Wil came out to her ma but her ma's reaction was typical, "我是个好妈，你不可能是 gay". Like the 2 are linked!

I would recommend people to watch this movie, as it really shows the "face" of the Chinese and how much one generation has changed in its thinking.

Synopsis of Saving Face:
For 28-year old New Yorker Wilhelmina "Wil" Pang (Michelle Krusiee), life is a juggling act between a promising career as a surgeon and her responsibilities as a dutiful daughter. Like the #7 train she takes to visit her Chinese family on a weekly basis, Wil is perpetually in transit between two worlds. The expectations of the Flushing, Queens society she is from and the desires that alienate her from it have made Wil content to live below the surface -- even if it means playing an inadvertent game of charades with her widowed mother (Joan Chen) and the old world Ma represents. The masquerade is comic even in its pain as Wil tolerates Ma's weekly set ups with eligible Chinese-American boys at the Friday Chinese socials; but it quickly becomes a farce when Ma's mask cracks first.

One night, Wil comes home to find Ma on her doorstep -pregnant. Disgraced by the Chinese community, and with no where else to go, Ma moves in with her daughter, making it difficult for Wil to nurture a budding relationship with gorgeous dance Vivian (Lynn Chen). As her carefully compartmentalised worlds collide, Wil is forced to find her mother a husband, placate her girlfriend, and choose between breaking a cycle of keeping up appearances, or risk losing the girl she loves.

SAVING FACE is a romantic comedy about a daughter struggling to understand her mother's heart, which ultimately allows her to understand her own. It is the story of unspoken loves, contemporary and cultural taboos, and the journey of two women towards living their lives honestly.

TGIF

My first week of work and today is the last day, TGIF!

Work has been slow the past week and the people here are different from the ones in Singapore. I've been left alone most of the time, unlike in Singapore wherever I went to a new company, most people will try to make me feel welcome, asking me out for lunch and etc. Over here it really is 'each for his/her own'. Culture shock, yea in a way but I think it should be expected. I think I was lucky in my past 2 jobs in that the people were all friendly. Well, it will take time but I think I can break into the culture sooner or later (I hope sooner though).

So one week gone and work is starting to pick up. According to E, he and R has lots in store for me to do. It will take time and I'll slowly get more and more busy.

T and I are coping with being apart. We have webcamed a lot, so we can see each other. I really miss the intimate moments we have, like when I 'bite' him on the shoulder when there is nobody around (like in supermarkets, bookstores, etc.) my sign of affection :) and of course I do miss the more physical intimate times that we have too. Well, we all have to make sacrifices. I'm just hoping that these 2 years will pass fast so that we can be together again.

Speaking of which, T was wondering if I would ever move back to Singapore again. Well, I told him nothing is carved in stone so anything is possible. I just pray that in the next 10 years or so, we would really see change in Singapore, not just in the economic sense. It wouldn't be easy but if the gahmen decide to repell section 377 from the penal code, then I can say that equality is starting to set in in Singapore. So there would really be a "society built on justice and EQUALITY", which at this moment there isn't.

One week later

Well, I've survived one week (excluding) without T and I survived. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be after I've accepted the fact and know that we'll be together sometime later. It seems that I'm rather stong contrary to what I thought I would be. Homesickness is gone too. So now just have work too look forward to.

I went in to the office today and was given a job to do (even though it was suppose to be a familiarisation), but I'm not complaining. It is fun. I've started doing it even though I know I don't have to. I think I'll finish it by today and then when Monday arrives, I'll just have to see if it works with the data. Rather exciting.

Today, it was a bit warmer than yesterday. This week was the coldest week in Melbourne, it seems that it has never been this cold for 20 years. So now warmer weather should be here. :)

Such is the world

At last, my long 'vacation' is coming to an end. Starting work next Monday and I have to go in on Friday to do some paperwork. What is a job without paperwork.

Just opened my bank account today. Gosh, ever since 9/11 all banks have stepped up security. I thought it was only in Singapore but it seems that Hong Kong and Australia too. So I have to gather that all the world has done this. I had such a difficult time getting a savings account opened but at least it is opened now.

There was a problem with my rental agreement so I had to go to the house agent's office to get her to rectify it, then had to travel back to t he bank again to open my account. Such a nuisance but at least it is done.

It was suppose to be cold today with sleet but the sun is out and it is warm. As usual cannot trust weather reports even here. That is what my roommate told me.

Been communicating with T via IM and webcams. It is cool, at least we can see each other and 'chat' even though we are miles apart. I do miss him but hey, we'll get through this and he'll join me soon. I just hope it wouldn't take too long though :P.

Parting

Well, it was a blissful 2 weeks but T has returned to Singapore this afternoon. It wasn't easy but we believe that if our love is strong and true, we'll be able to survive this and in 2 years time he'd return and we'll have our lives together again. Yup, he's going back and will be back in 2 years time.

He just got a new job in Singapore and he wants to make the most out of it before coming over. That is the reason why his 'vacation' had to be cut short by 1 week.

The parting was not really bad. I have this ache in my heart but I know in time it would be manageable. At the end of the year, I'll be going back to Singapore and mid next year he'll be coming back, so our partings are about 6 months long. Only 104 weeks I tell myself wishing I have a time machine to move past this 'difficult' time.

Whether we'll survive 2 years apart is another thing. But I believe that when God shows you your soulmate, God'll not take him away just for the fun of it. So if God willing and us trying, we'll be together again. Until that day arrives, I'll keep myself busy and make full use of my life. I am comfortable being alone, so with T away, I'm more alone now that ever.

Everyone back home (my tons of friends whom I dearly miss) said that it shouldn't be a problem for me to make friends here, with my character. That I really don't know. The culture here is very different and not that I feel inferior to the whites here. Gosh, me feel inferior to anyone? Got to be joking :).

I hope that things work out well for me. I'm still waiting to sign on the dotted line on my job (yup, I haven't started working as yet) this is because of red tape (as usual). I know that I'll gain a lot from this job. I really thank my Lord for this opportunity, even though I did doubt a lot about it when I first arrived.

Today's gospel was about Peter's walk on water with Jesus, it was this that made me realise that I shouldn't doubt Jesus' love and care for me but to know that this opportunity was given to me because Jesus wanted me to have it. So I should cherish it and not waste it. This could be a test for me to prove to nobody but myself that I can survive this, especially with God behind me.

Writing again

It really has been a long time since I lost wrote. I've been so busy getting ready and furthermore I didn't have broadband anymore (didn't think it was worth having it when I was about to leave) so I was stuck with dial-up for about 2-3 weeks. It was really terrible, anyone who have moved from LAN/broadband to dial-up (56k) would understand how I feel. There is no more instant responses. It takes about half and hour for me to just read my e-mails!

Anyhow, that is over and now that I've settled down I thought I'd starting writing again.

Settled down, yup, I'm now in Melbourne. I took me a while to get the hang of it but it is great now. T is still sleeping, enjoying the warmth of the bedroom/bed. Now the only thing is for me to look forward to working. Just wondering if I can push my starting date to a little later to just go a for a little break. It is so nice to be sleeping with him again.

At least the NKF saga is now over. But it seems to me that things moved a little too fast.

So now that my new life has started. It isn't as easy as I thought it would be. The good-byes at the airport was really terrible but I know I'll survive. I felt so homesick the first few days I was here. Wondering if I made the right decision and if this is where the Lord wants me to me. I was really blessed in moving here. It took me ages to get my PR (there were so many problems) but after that things started to look up. Before I came over, I already had a home, etc, etc done for me. I have a close friend in Australia who needed a roommate (at the right time) and I said that I would mind being his if he didn't mind waiting for a month or two before I arrive. So when I came here, I had everything, home, phone, internet connection... I just needed to transplant myself. Then the next thing was my job, I got one in the end 2 days before I arrived and now I'm just waiting for the big interview.

Back to the homesickness, I do hope that I'd be able to keep it in check as T will be going back to Singapore soon. I just pray that the Lord will give me strength and keep me busy so that I've no time to be really homesick. But I have survived in America when I had nothing (I had to find my own apartment, etc.) and had nobody to help me. I was really homesick then. Now, it is different, but the feeling of just wanting to drop everything and leave came back. It took me about 3-4 weeks to get over that in America, I wonder how long it will take for me to get into the routine here and start enjoying my life.

Backlash

NKF dropped the lawsuit against SPH yesterday after 2 days of cross-examination of the CEO. And now the backlash against NKF started. 3800 people have cancelled their monthly donations. Most of them said that they would resume donating when the CEO resigns.

I personally think that not only should the CEO resign but also the board of directors. I mean, the CEO had/did lots of things that they have to approve before he would dare to do it. For example, his 10 - 12 months bonuses during the time when Singaporeans either had: a) no job, b) suffered a pay cut. And in 2003 when he had a 10 month bouns, most people didn't get any bonus. The other example is NKF paying for his personal car's road tax and repairs.

So what I say is get the board and the CEO out instead of just the CEO.

Ex-PM's wife's comments

I read with disbelief the under mentioned article. Mrs Goh (the wife of ex-PM of Singapore) making a statement like this?! Of all people I would have expected her to understand the situation but I was wrong.

NKF - charitable organisation indeed. Even I would like to be a CEO of NKF now. Who wouldn't want to earn so much money and all at the expense of well-wishers. And once again, I'm not saying that anyone should starve, but to became rich on other people's donated money is really too much.

What is the meaning of charity?

Although the law states that 30% of donations can be used for the running of a charitable organisation, it doesn't mean that all 30% has to be used up. And it doesn't mean that the 30% can be used to bestow lavish things, like gold taps and Mercedes Benz cars (6 in fact, company cars) on officers. It also doesn't mean that NKF should pay for their road tax, yes, Mr T. T. Durai's road tax, repairs for his personal Mercedes is paid for by NKF. Which means Singaporeans paid for his road tax and car repairs. Majority of whom use public transport.

*sigh*

------------------

The Straits Times
14 July 2005

MRS GOH: I've full trust in NKF and its CEO

The NKF's patron, Mrs Goh Chok Tong, told reporters at the close of the case that she had complete trust in the organisation and its chief executive. Mr T. T. Durai.

She had come to court on both days of the hearing and sat on the NKF side. Yesterday, she was there for part of the moring and again in the afternoon.

As Senior Conusel Davinder Singh led Mr Durai to concede point by point that he had no case, Mrs Goh, a lawyer, could be seen shaking her head.

After the hearing, Mrs Goh was asked by reporters what she thought about the way the case went.

She said it did not make sense to her to attack an organisation which helped the sick. All the NKF had wanted from The Straits Times was a retraction, she said, but the case had been extended to question NKF's transparency and "expensive things".

"Why make a fuss out of it?" she asked.

She said she would continue as patron, and added: "I have complete trust in the NKF and Mr Durai."

Asked if Mr Durai's annual salary and bonuse were "excessive", she replied: "For a person who runs a million-dollar charitable organisation, $600,000 is peanuts as it has a few hundred millions in reserves."

Charity

When I think about charitable organisations, I usually think of the people as loving and very self-sacrificing people. Who (most of the time) give up a high paying position to do this self-sacrificing work. But it seems that there are black sweep here too. Take the beloved CEO of the National Kidney Foundation (NKF), Mr. T.T. Durai. He is earning SGD600,000 a year with a monthly salary of SGD25,000. He takes first class flights and have taps in his bathroom in the office has taps that cost SGD990. This has come to light because of a law-suit that NKF filed against The Straits Times.

Gosh, it is amazing. No wonder he left his law job to be CEO of a chartable organisation and I thought he was being self-sacrificing but no, it is for his own pockets and interest. I really wonder how do people like him sleep at night (most probably in his SGD8,000 bed), knowing full well that he's taking the money of kind people, some of who are poor and yet try their best to help the more needy.

I mean, I'm not against people earning a good living but if you are working for an organisation that relies on the donations to help the needy, then don't expect to get high salaries/allowances. Donations are made in good faith that majority of it will go to those who need it.

This is a really sad case. The worse part about it, this would make the real charitable organisations suffer because people will think twice about donating.

------------------------------------

An extract of the cross-examination by chief prosecutor Davinder Singh.

Davinder Singh: So for the past three years you have earned about $1.8 million from the NKF.

T.T. Durai: Yes.


Davinder Singh: And the man who earns $1,000 a month who takes out $50 of his pay packet every month thinking that it is going to save lives, should he not know that that is the kind of money you earn?

T.T. Durai: There is nothing wrong with the money I earn.

Davinder Singh: $1.8 million, I wonder what is wrong. $1.8 million. Should the man who takes $50 out of his pay packet of $1,000, leaving $950 for him, his wife and his children, with no savings, should he not know that some of that money is going or has gone into a $500,000 to $600,000 pay package for you?

T.T. Durai: Surely he knows.

Davinder Singh: Tell me, how does he know?

T.T. Durai: Let me explain. People donate money to the NKF to run a dialysis programme that saves lives. We have built a dialysis programme. We run...

Judge: Please answer the question.

Davinder Singh: You said: 'Surely he knows.'

T.T. Durai: No, I am saying a person who contributes to the foundation knows that there are people working in the institution.

Judge: No. The question is, should that person know that you are earning $500,000, $600,000 a year? It is a simple question.

T.T. Durai: No, your honour, I do not see a need for him to know.

Davinder Singh: Thank you. It has nothing to do with privacy. It is about embarrassment, is it not?

T.T. Durai: No.

Davinder Singh: You would lose all authority, all moral authority to look at him in his eyes, isn't that right?

T.T. Durai: That is not true.

Davinder Singh: If he knew that you were flying first class on his money, you could not look him in his eyes, isn't that true?

T.T. Durai: It is not true.

Davinder Singh: If he knew that his salary couldn't even buy the bathroom fittings in your private office suite, you couldn't look him in his eyes.

T.T. Durai: That is not true.

Davinder Singh: We now understand why you say the $990 tap is not expensive. Well, coming from you at $600,000 a year, we now know why you say it is not expensive. But tell us, for that man with $1,000/$2,000, is it expensive?

T.T. Durai: Yes, he may consider it expensive.

Davinder Singh: He may, or is it? Tell us the truth.

T.T. Durai: I cannot speak for him. It depends on the type of building, the use of the item.

Davinder Singh: The man in his HDB one-room, two-rooms, three-rooms flat, earning a salary of $1,000, $2,000, $3,000 - would he find that tap at $990 plus 10 per cent discount expensive?

T.T. Durai: He may consider it expensive, yes.

Davinder Singh: He may, or will he?

T.T. Durai: If he is an educated person, if he knows the use of the particular office, for what purpose, he may probably think it is something reasonable.

At it again

Packing, packing, packing.

Short lived celebrations for London

It was so terrible when I heard about it! My colleague came to me about 5:30pm or so yesterday and told me London had been bombed. I thought she was joking because they just won the the bid to hold the 2012 Olympics which was announced less than 24 hours before.

It was a shock and I couldn't believe it. Just when we thought that things will start settling down, these barbaric shit heads did something again. What can the world do but step up their security and send condolences to London.

We are living in a very sad time where some people believe that in order to make a point people have to be killed. Where is the sanctity of life in all this?

As the English morn their dead and try to get their lives back to normal, let us pray for them (whatever God we pray to) and for those that have no god, a moment of silence to respect the innocents who died.

Amen.

Podcasting ROCKS!

I'm really hooked to podcasting. Every since Steve Jobs showcased the new iTunes with podcast subscripting feature, I've been itching to try it out. I'm no the type that would bother going to the website and downloads or listen to podcast on a daily basis. Too lazy. So when iTune 4.9 came out (30 June in Singapore) I subscribed to a few podcast.

Yesterday, I started listening to Adam Curry's Daily Source Code and I got hooked to his podcast. It is so amazing to listen to other people who are not radio/TV personalities but ordinary people.

Hangover

Gosh, I didn't expect this to happen. Woke up today and couldn't walk straight (haha very funny T). I frightened myself, thinking that it was some inner ear infection that it has affected by sense of balance. Now I realised that the 1 glass of red wine was more potent than I thought it would be. I'm still feeling the effects of it. Hmmm... I wonder if it is because of my training that made me more intolerant to alcohol or something else. This is actually very interesting, never had a problem this bad especially it has been about 7 hours since my drink last night (or this morning if you are a sucker for timing). Tried to recall the last time I actually drank and I can't recall, yes it has been that long.

Had a beautiful time last night with my friends, out for dinner then drinks. It is a farewell for me (of sorts ;) ). So it has started. The farewell parties.

First farewell

Had my first farewell today. It was light heartening experience to know that I've touch so many lives and made rather a lot of friends.

Interesting finding

I was searching through google for yoga studios in Melbourne (yes I practise yoga and have been at it for about 4 years now) and chance upon this website Hot Nude Yoga. Yoga in the nude! Cool isn't it.

*smile*

Mom is happier today. I think my telling her that I'll call everyday, since calling home is so cheap from Australia, she has started to smile and be more herself. *smile* I'm so glad now. At least calling card calls are cheap from Australia to Singapore.

Grief and sorrow

*sigh* It seems mom is still rather sad that I'm leaving, even though she knows that I wouldn't forget her.

Acceptance is so difficult. I don't blame her for taking a long time to come to acceptance, but it does get on my nerves (a bit) to see her eyes water at the slightest. *sigh* How am I going to leave happily? Doesn't she know that not being happy for me makes it more difficult for me to leave? Is my life destined to be forever ruled by my mother? I know in time she'll get used to me not being around, until then I'll just have to try my best to make this 'transition' so painless as possible. *sigh* Because of mom, I don't really feel like going now. It really hurts to know that she is so sad about it. I know she is still trying to come to terms with it. This is really not easy, even for me. Love really makes things difficult.

At least calling her on a daily basis is very possible, now that I've discovered that calling cards in Australia can charge as low as 1.1c per minute. It was so cool finding that out but knowing her, she'll say I'm wasting money calling home daily. Well, we'll see how it goes.

Things are getting difficult

Now that I've only 5 weeks more before I leave, it is starting to become really scary and sad. I realise that with my short life in Singapore, I have so many friends. Friends who have been with me through thick and thin. The ones who were still very good friends with me after I came out to them.

I have been blessed. Really blessed because I have never met people that have turned away from me after they found out I was gay. I cherish my friends and it is starting to get difficult to think that I'll be miles away from them.

I do realise that I'm giving up a lot by moving. My life, my friends, my family but I pray that I will be strong (with the help of the Lord) and trust that this is the path I have to travel. Why? I really don't know but I believe that the Lord will give me a clue soon.

Anyhow, as I work towards my last day, I think of all the beautiful moments in my life with the people I love and I can't help but wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

Gay Men Are Found to Have Different Scent of Attraction

A good article that shows gay men are just different and not because they choose to be.

New York Times

May 9, 2005
Gay Men Are Found to Have Different Scent of Attraction

By NICHOLAS WADE
Using a brain imaging technique, Swedish researchers have shown that homosexual and heterosexual men respond differently to two odors that may be involved in sexual arousal, and that the gay men respond in the same way as women.

The new research may open the way to studying human pheromones, as well as the biological basis of sexual preference. Pheromones, chemicals emitted by one individual to evoke some behavior in another of the same species, are known to govern sexual activity in animals, but experts differ as to what role, if any, they play in making humans sexually attractive to one another.

The new research, which supports the existence of human pheromones, is reported in today's issue of The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences by Dr. Ivanka Savic and colleagues at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm.

The two chemicals in the study were a testosterone derivative produced in men's sweat and an estrogen-like compound in women's urine, both of which have long been suspected of being pheromones.

Most odors cause specific smell-related regions of the human brain to light up when visualized by a form of brain imaging that tracks blood flow in the brain and therefore, by inference, sites where neurons are active. Several years ago, Dr. Savic and colleagues showed that the two chemicals activated the brain in a quite different way from ordinary scents.

The estrogen-like compound, though it activated the usual smell-related regions in women, lighted up the hypothalamus in men. This is a region in the central base of the brain that governs sexual behavior and, through its control of the pituitary gland lying just beneath it, the hormonal state of the body.

The male sweat chemical, on the other hand, did just the opposite; it activated mostly the hypothalamus in women and the smell-related regions in men. The two chemicals seemed to be leading a double life, playing the role of odor with one sex and of pheromone with another.

The Swedish researchers have now repeated the experiment but with the addition of gay men as a third group. The gay men responded to the two chemicals in the same way as did women, Dr. Savic reports, as if the hypothalamus's response is determined not by biological sex but by the owner's sexual orientation.

Dr. Savic said that she had also studied gay women, but that the data were "somewhat complicated" and not yet ready for publication.

The finding is similar to a report in 1991 by Dr. Simon LeVay that a small region of the hypothalamus is twice as large in straight men as in women or gay men. The brain scanning technique used by the Swedish researchers lacks the resolution to see the region studied by Dr. LeVay, which is a mere millimeter or so across. But both findings suggest that the hypothalamus is organized in a way related to sexual orientation.

The new finding, if confirmed, would break ground in two important directions, those of human pheromones and human sexuality.

Mice are known to influence each other's sexual behavior through emission of chemicals that act like hormones on the recipient's brain and so are known as pheromones. Hopes by the fragrance industry, among others, of finding human pheromones were dashed several years ago when it emerged that a tiny structure in the nose through which mice detect many pheromones, the vomeronasal organ, is largely inactive in humans, having lost its nervous connection with the brain.

Researchers interpreted that to mean that humans, as they evolved to rely on sight more than smell, had no need of the primitive cues that pass for sexual attractiveness in mice. But a role for human pheromones could not be ruled out, especially in light of findings that women living or working together tend to synchronize their menstrual cycles.

Some researchers see Dr. Savic's work as strong evidence in favor of human pheromones. "The question of whether human pheromones exist has been answered. They do," wrote the authors of a commentary in Neuron about Dr. Savic's report of 2001.

Dr. Catherine Dulac, a Harvard University biologist who studies pheromones in mice, said that if a chemical modified the function of the hypothalamus, that might be enough to regard it as a pheromone. She said the Swedish study was extremely interesting, even though "humans are a terrible experimental subject." She noted, however, that the researchers used a far higher dose of the armpit chemical than anyone would be exposed to in normal life.

If human pheromones do exist, Dr. Savic's approach may allow insights into how the brain is organized not just for sexual orientation but also for sexuality in general.

"The big question is not where homosexuality comes from, but where does sexuality come from," said Dr. Dean Hamer, a geneticist at the National Institutes of Health.

The different pattern of activity that Dr. Savic sees in the brains of gay men could be either a cause of their sexual orientation or an effect of it. If sexual orientation has a genetic cause, or is influenced by hormones in the womb or at puberty, then the neurons in the hypothalamus could wire themselves up in a way that permanently shapes which sex a person is attracted to.

Alternatively, Dr. Savic's finding could be just a consequence of straight and gay men's using their brain in different ways.

"We cannot tell if the different pattern is cause or effect," Dr. Savic said. "The study does not give any answer to these crucial questions."

But the technique might provide an answer, Dr. Hamer noted, if it were applied to people of different ages to see when in life the different pattern of response developed.

Dr. LeVay said he believed from animal experiments that the size differences in the hypothalamic region he had studied arose before birth, perhaps in response to differences in the circulating level of sex hormones. Both his finding and Dr. Savic's suggest that the hypothalamus is specifically organized in relation to sexual orientation, he said.

Some researchers believe there is likely to be a genetic component of homosexuality because of its concordance among twins. The occurrence of male homosexuality in both members of a twin pair is 22 percent in nonidentical twins but rises to 52 percent in identical twins.

Gay men have fewer children, meaning that in Darwinian terms, any genetic variant that promotes homosexuality should be quickly eliminated from the population. Dr. Hamer believes that such genes may nevertheless persist because, although in men they reduce the number of descendants, in women they act to increase fertility.

Done and done

Gosh, I'm so happy. The program that I've been trying to get working is running at last. It really took me a long time to get the script right. It is another achievement for me. :)

Today I've also send my first batch of stuff over to Australia. Gosh, not long now before I'm gone. Time is starting to slip away from me.

Nation no more

I just reaslied that the annual gay and lesbian dance party, Nation, will not be held in Singapore anymore. Then again it comes as no surprise to anyone from the GLBT community.

It is so sad, the the gahmen and agencies, can only see gay parties = AIDS. And the way the Singapore paper is making it seem that gay men are the only ones getting HIV is really typical.

Packing

Gosh, I seem to have so many things to pack. My books alone will take up a number of boxes.

I have decided that I'll not bring everything over since I'll be returning at least once a year to visit my parents.

It is getting terribly exciting. My friend (Australian) has found a nice apartment for us to share and it it very centrally located and the price isn't bad, almost like living in Orchard/Scotts Road. :)

We have booked our tickets though T will be returning to Singapore (for he can't leave as yet).

Another wedding banquet

Today I attended a friend’s wedding. It was nice catching up with people whom I’ve not seen for some time. Later on when they were doing a screening of their lives together (the marring couple) I felt sad. Sad because T and I will never have a chance to have family and friends together to enjoy and give us their blessings. The world is just so unfair but then again since when is the world fair.

Even if we are in a place (like Canada) where same-sex marriages are permitted, this type of celebration of the union will never happen. I have thought about this and I realised that in the Asian context, it has never been anything to do with religion or religious views, in face Buddhism never stated that anything is sinful or wrong (except when it causes great harm to another person) unless you indulge in it. Like drinking, sex, etc. In Asia, the important part of getting married is so that you can continue the family name. This is our culture. So unlike in America (yea, the ‘greatest’ human rights country) where the objection to same-sex marriages is based in Christianity, in Asia it is because of carrying on the family line.

So there I was sitting there, enjoying the wedding banquet and my friends but felling very sad that this can never happen to me.

West Wing and more

I just watched the “West Wing” episode 25 (yes, yes I know it is really OLD but hey I just obtained the DVDs recently so don’t flame me. :P I love the show but I think this episode really stands out because of the way the President (played by Martin Sheen) reprimanded a Laura Schlessinger like person. If you are interested to know more about it you can go to this site and read it.

I don’t want to comment anything about it. I want to talk about the fundamentalist christians’ reaction to it.

I’ve read a number of websites dedicated to this ‘speech’ and most of them are by the fundamentalist christians’ who cited reasons why this speech is flawed. And the most important thing that hit me is that they say we (GLTB and the producers of “West Wing”) take these verses out of context. Gosh! The audacity! So when we quote the bible to justify our existence (created not made and still loved by God) we are taking it out of context and when they do it, it is right and proper. No they definitely do not take the quotes against homosexuality out of context. Of course not, why Jesus came to preach separation, discrimination and bigotry. He came to condemn the sinners and to exalt the Jews, especially the Pharisees and Sadducees. He told people to judge because by judging, your Father in heaven will praise you.

These people believed that Jesus will condemn the GLTB community if he was alive today. The same way the Pharisees and Sadducees believed that the Christ would condemn the tax-collectors and prostitutes of that time. Jesus welcomed the outcast, telling them that God loves them because they are his children. And that is the most important part of Jesus teachings, loving the outcast, Jesus never gave lip service, he did these things. That is why Mother Teresa is considered a Saint (note the capital S) because she really was Jesus in the flesh. She loved the outcast and loved being seen with them, like Jesus who preferred to be with the outcast then with the rich, wealthy and effluent.

The all loving, all accepting Catholic Church

Gay Catholics Denied Communion
by 365Gay.com Newscenter Staff

Posted: May 16, 2005 12:01 am ET

(St. Paul, Minnesota) A group of about 100 gay Roman Catholics and their supporters were denied Holy Communion at Pentecost Mass at the Cathedral of St. Paul on Sunday.

The Rainbow Sash Alliance has been taking Communion on Pentecost at the Cathedral for the past four years, but Archbishop Harry Flynn changed the policy this year, under pressure from the Vatican.

Earlier this month Flynn, in a letter to the Rainbow Sash Alliance, warned that members would be denied communion because their sashes were seen as a protest against Catholic teaching and unacceptable to the Vatican.

"I am asking you to remove your sashes before you receive Holy Communion," Flynn wrote. "I ask you to observe this sign of respect for the Eucharist not only in the Cathedral but in all our parishes. No one wearing the sash will be permitted to receive the Blessed Sacrament."

The Rainbow Sash movement is an international organization of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Catholics and their families and friends.

Among those who attended mass Sunday were Dominican Sister Donna Quinn, director of the National Coalition of American Nuns, Joseph and Barbara Parot of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and long time Catholic gay rights activist Rick Garcia.

After the sash wearers were denied, Sister Donna, the Parots and Garcia approached the altar and received Communion. To the surprise of some, including the sash wearers, the four then approached the sash-wearers and gave them a portion of their consecrated hosts.

"It is a scandal that the Body of Christ would be denied to a baptized Catholic who approached the altar simply because of what he or she was wearing. I am still shocked and in disbelief that the priest would deny these people," said Sister Donna Quinn. "The Eucharist should not be used as a political tool and that is exactly what Cardinal George has made it."

Sister Quinn and the Parots approached the priest after Mass and expressed their displeasure and sadness at his action.

"Some priests and bishops throughout the country have denied communion to sash wearers today. How many of these same priests have ever denied anyone else communion?" Garcia asked. "This has nothing to do with upholding Church teaching and it has everything to do with rank anti-gay sentiment."

©365Gay.com 2005

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Oh yea, Jesus came to teach us discrimination and he came save only the few, I get it now.

Working in Australia

I have been holding an Australian PR since January last year. I have been planning to work in Australia for a while now and maybe become an Australian or come back after a number of years (thinking for 8 to 10, to gain enough experience). Who knows what the future holds. All I know is that I'm not making any plans that are caste in stone. Just praying for discernment and knowing that the Lord will bless and help me.

A number of people asked my why PR if I just wanted to work there. There is a simple reason, there is no way I'll get a job here if I require a work permit. Unlike in Singapore, getting work permits in Australia is a great hassle and no company would bother to hire a foreigner if there is local equivalent. Less hassle.

I've just sent my CV to a professor that I spoke to earlier today (I was at a conference and so happens his lab is in Melbourne). He gave me a short interview and said that I fit in perfectly to what they required to replace a person that has left. So I'd most probably get this job and I really hope so.

So the wheels have started turning and things seem to be moving very smoothly. I am blessed.

T knows about my plans and because of this he has decided that he would like to do what I'm doing too, get PR to work in Australia for a while. The experience would do us both good. I know things would work out well, with the Lord guiding and blessing me.

Discrimination - Singapore style

A few days ago, there was an article in the newspaper regarding this condominium in Singapore that told a security agency that they didn’t want Indian security guards, I thought, “wow, Singapore is starting to be very bold in their discrimination”.

Today in the Straits Times forum page, there were a lot of people who cried foul about this, saying that discrimination and bigotry should have no place in a society in Singapore. Now that got me thinking, if it was an ad for no gays wanted or allowing of a gay activity (like a forum, talk or party) would these people still say things the same way or is anti-discrimination only for races or age or religion but not sexual orientation. Well, this is what Martha Luther King predicted when he was fighting racism in America. He said (to paraphrase) “a threat to anyone's basic rights is a threat to everyone's basic rights”. This is so true. I speculate that the committee of the condominium is Chinese (most probably), effluent and English speaking, which makes them think that their own prejudices are valid. It starts off with one group and it will extend to others, this is how discrimination works, especially when one group of people think they are better and more superior to another. And as we can see, it has started. Discrimination against minorities in Singapore is nothing new, starting with older workers, going onto gays and lesbians and now race. Well, we have no anti-discrimination laws here. Lets see how long the gahmen can pretend that these laws are not needed but then even if they do, the GLTB community will NOT benefit from it.

These people, like the right wing Christians in Singapore, who think that their own opinions and values (which are religiously based) are the opinions and values of the whole of Singapore, don’t these people know that Christians only account for at most 20% of Singapore’s population!* It is not even the a simple majority of the population. Gosh, who are they to dictate to the masses? Preaching to a mostly Buddhist population. Good examples are the casino where they believed their opinion hold the ultimate truth because their religion is the ultimate truth, see that is discrimination by itself. The other is the fight against AIDS, they are so against preaching condom usage that it has started to make matters worse. There are more and more people in Singapore who are having sex without a condom, especially with people they don’t know. They believe their own morals is right, but they account for less than 20% of the population, who are they, the minority, to dictate, to the majority that they should be faithful to one partner. Their words fall on deaf ears but do they know that? No! So instead of AIDS support groups like Afa going the, use a condom route, they are forcing them and indeed the gahmen to go the abstinence route. Is this working? Nope, but they still will not change their tune because they believe they have the ultimate true. When will people realise that if another doesn’t belong to your group, they will never listen. Imagine, the LOUD minority.


*In 2000 the number of people who declared that they are Christians was 14.6% (up from 12.7% in 1990). Compare this with people who declared that they were Buddhist in 2000 was 42.5% (up from 31.2% in 1990)

Benedict XVI

Well a new pope has been elected, another 'conservative'. Whether he'll be different from John Paul II, the activists around the world don't think so. I still think the church will be as oppressive and they will still have the opinion that the world's problems are 'black and white'. We shall see in the next 6 months if he’s going to let the Spirit work or box it up again.

I think that the word conservative has been overused in practically everything in this world. And it has come to a point where the world means being narrow-minded. If I recall correctly, being conservative used to be someone who favours traditional views and values but not a person who discounts change. When did being conservative mean being a bigot and discriminating?

*sigh* well, we do live in the world where money and power is everything, what makes me think that a church will be any different.

The Church - good, bad and ugly

I read this in the Sunday Times today and was really impressed with Ignatius’ view. He just hit the nail on the head. The parts I have bolded are the good things the pope John Paul II has done. The red/bold parts are the ones that are so ugly about the church and as you can see, the ugly seems to outweigh the good. What good is being part of a Church where you are oppressed? I wonder if the Vatican ever wonder why people are leaving the Church, or even if they really care.

Sometimes people ask why I'm still in a Church that is so oppressive? I have given it alot of thought and I thing Ignatius stated it in a great way some of us reject the teachings outwardly and other inwardly. I'm the ones that reject the Church inwardly. I love my God and I know God loves me. I go and worship him with my community but I do reject some of the Church teachings. As Cannon law has stated, that a person can reject a teaching of the Church if he, guided by the Spirit, learns the truth about something (very badly parapharsed).

#######################

A Plea to the next pope
By Ignatius Low
(Taken from The Sunday Times April 17, 2005)

Someone remarked to me that other day that with a name like mine I should be “eminently qualified” to write about Pope John Paul II.

Well, if being qualified simply means being Catholic, then she is probably right.

I know if only a handful of other guys name “Ignatius” and they are all, without exception, Catholics born and bred. Who else would name themselves after the Spanish saint Ignatius de Loyola, who found the Jesuit order of priests in the 1500s?

Indeed, to the outside world, the name is obscure and extremely difficult to pronounce and spell. To this day, when asked for my name by Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf cashiers, I agonise for a moment before muttering “David”, so as not to hold up the queue behind me.

Despite life’s little inconveniences, I am still proud of the name my parents gave me in the zeal of their conversion to Catholicism in the 1960s.

But I have also stopped practising my religion for almost a decade now. So, I think my name is just about the only thing left that’s “Catholic” about me.

Until the Pope died, that is.

I was holidaying in Tokyo when it happened and rationally speaking, I really shouldn’t have cared.

Yet in the days and hours reading up to the Pope’s death, I found myself glued to the television set in my service apartment, never tiring of the endless updates about this health on CNN and BBC.

My Catholic upbringing came back to me in a flash of nostalgia.

I remembered, for example, kneeling to pray the rosary twice a week and constantly wishing that I could sit down instead. I remembered singing hymns with my younger sister as my dad played the guitar, and feeling rather intimidated by a group of bash girls at my weekly Sunday school class.

I found I could still recall enough of the meanings of strange words like “catechism”, “Eucharist” and “transubstantiation” to explain them excitedly to my Buddhist travelling companion. And I could expertly answer his questions about the difference between “mortal” and “venial” sins, and the significance of the Virgin Mary to the Church.

Buried somewhere deep within me, I realised, is a good Catholic boy. It’s just the on a day-to-day level, most people don’t see it – net even me.

This is arguable the most serious problem Pope John Paul II left the Catholic Church to deal with after his death.

Like me, millions of Catholics around the world have quietly fallen away from the faith. And like me, they seem perfectly comfortable with what they have done.

Of course, religion is a very personal issue and everyone has his own reasons for turning his back on it.

But if there is a general root cause to be found, I would point to the growing disconnect between the Catholic dogma and today’s realities.

For those who don’t already know, the Catholic Church is strongly against divorce, abortion and contraception.

It still refuses to ordain women as priests and regards homosexuality as a “new ideology of evil”.

And it sees all these issues in stark black and white.

Two years ago, a nine-year-old Nicaraguan girl became pregnant after she was raped. Fearing that she would not survive childbirth, her parents sent her for an abortion.

The Catholic Church intervened and nearly stopped the procedure, but the girl’s parents insisted. After the abortion, the whole family was promptly excommunicated from the Church.

There are many mare such moral dilemmas that the Church seems to take an unreasonably hard stand on. It won’t, for example, allow a HIV-positive husband to use condoms to protect his HIV-negative wife. Nor will it grant an abused wife a divorce from a violent husband.

As a result, you will often find that Catholics tend to harbour two views on life’s moral dilemmas.

There is the “Catholic” view which they are suppose to hold, and then there is their own view – which is softer and will admit to exceptions and special circumstances.

Okay, this probably doesn’t stop the average churchgoer from going to Mass every Sunday.

But it deducts from a sense of belonging to a religion whose structure and rituals already make it seem so far away.

The principle does not just apply to religion. If someone does not quite agree with the fundamental ethos of his club, company or even country, can he truly identify himself with it?

And so when push comes to shove, is there something stronger than habit, obligation or sheer inertia that makes him stay?

In his 26 years as Pope, John Paul II did many great things. He helped to bridge the gap between the Church and Islam, and speed up the fall of communism. He also used the mass media in a very effective way to get the Church’s message out globally.

But John Paul II also chose to harden the Church’s conservative stance in livewire moral issues, and throughout this reign, the Church has shown a refusal to engage the population on them.

This is something which this generation of young Catholics have become used to as we grew up. Sadly, it’s also something many of us have come to reject – whether inwardly or outwardly.

The world waits in bated breath is the Catholic Church chooses John Paul II’s successor this week.

Whoever he is, he need to talk to the silent millions around the world, who like me are Catholic, but only really in name.

Heterosexism - viewpoint of a father and grandfather

It is very heartening to read e-mails like this about the heterosexism that is so prevalent in ‘loving Christians’.


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As a 75 year old man and father of 8 children - 2 whom are gay - I find this all to be very disturbing. Since when did we allow Preachers - deacons & ministers to tell us what GOD wants?

MY children are all grown and range from mid 30's to 50 - they are ALL law abiding citizens and tax payers......do not my gay
children deserve the same rights and the other 6 ?

This whole Right Wing Agenda has gotten way out of control from their original concept of Concern for peoples well-being - to Hate Mongering & Bigotry ... trying to use "God's word" as scare tactics to get people to vote their way.

I'd like to know.... when is this country going to wise up and practice what it preaches. America is constantly telling other countries about Freedoms and Liberty, and the ever famous Justice for All.....All?

Does America mean - only Heterosexuals??? This is the 21st century.....the sky won't be falling. I think heterosexuals have done enough damage to Marriage without trying to blame gay people for ruining it.

I and my wife love our children Equally - we're on our 53rd year of Marriage together...we stuck it out thru thick and thin, and love each other very much - and have 8 happy and healthy, loving and respectful children to prove it.

I fought in WW2 - for Freedom and Liberty -- NOT Hate and Discrimination in America......This needs to stop! I used to vote Republican as did my wife for years - but this last election made us go Democrat --- I will not tolerate discrimination against my children PERIOD!

John Rex Costello
Philadelphia Pa

Buried at last!

Thank goodness the pope is now buried and gone. All this hype over his ‘death’ is really too much and the fact that people (especially the Catholics) are crying over his death is ridiculous!

We are an ‘Alleluia people’ wrote St. Augustine, where is our Alleluia now? We are to rejoice in the death of a faithful because that is what Christ taught us, death is not the end but a beginning. I agree that we should feel sad because the person is no longer with us but I think for our sadness to over shadow our joy in being an Easter people is really too much, this was really shown in the actions of Catholics the world over. And to think we are still in the Easter season!

Now that he has be buried, we can go back to living our lives again. Has anything changed? No. Has the world become a worse or better place? No. Is God still working in this world? YES! I think what my priest said in his homily on the day the pope died (3rd April 2005) that our faith is built on Christ, our Risen Lord and nothing else, not his birth or his death but by the simple fact that he rose from the dead. It was a real slap in the face for all who were grieving for the pope (a man), provided if the people who heard it could understand the greater meaning of what he said. Christ in the foundation of our faith, nothing else, not the pope, not the Vatican and definitely no the religious. And here we are moaning for the death of a man like there is no tomorrow.

The pope has died

I’m glad that he has died. Firstly, at least his suffering is over and he has returned back to the Father’s house. Secondly, it is time for him to let go of the chair (of St. Peter) and let another person take over the duties.

I don’t feel a great loss at the passing of this pope, for the Lord will appoint another person to lead the Church, whether for the better or for the worse, we will not know until the now pope starts his reign.

A lot of people in the world (especially the Catholics) have no idea how much this pope has done to halt the progress of the Church (halting Vatican II). The following are a few things that I can remember:

1) Women are not allowed to preach in Church, he even made it clearer during his reign although there have been Churches that broken this law and I applaud them for it.
2) The no ordination of women as priest. I'm still wondering why? What is wrong with having women priest? I believe that the Church is losing the ideas and inspirations of half of its population because of this bigotry.
3) His Pro-family stance. Of course this is a good thing but his definition of a family is the one father and mother and kids. Because of his non-acceptance of the gay population many families have been broken because a son/daughter came out of the closet. This is so "Pro-family", destroying the ones that don’t meet with his criteria of a family.
4) His unwavering stance against contraception. This really caused uproars in the world because most people are not Catholics but all because of his position as the 'moral compass' the world hears his voice. It made it more difficult for AIDS activist to educate people because most governments frown upon the preaching of condom usage but abstinence. Abstinence is good but how many people believe it? How can you preach to the world when majority of them don't believe in what you preach?


Somehow bringing the Church up to date with the progress of the world was not in his agenda. He would prefer to please the conservative people in the Church and in the ranks then to allow God's love to flow through the land. The Vatican has always had this problem of trying to put the Holy Spirit in a box but the Holy Spirit cannot be contained or controlled, too bad they just don't understand it.

"Give to Caser what belongs to Caser, give to God what belongs to God". I have realised that most preachers and leaders of the Church never follow this teaching of Christ, only one I have encountered was Mother Teressa, who in my heart is a much greater person then pope John Paul II will ever be. Her life was the Gospel and she believed in loving all regardless of race, language, class, sexuality orientation, education qualifications; something I pray that all leaders and preachers of the gospel will be one day.

When will the Vatican realise that God loves everyone and anyone. Not just the people who adhere to their own brand of morality. Too bad they never remember the times when the Church was corrupt and the times when they made mistakes*, too bad they didn't learn.

I pray that the next pope would be a champion for humans, not for popularity or power but for the belief that every human being is a child of God.

* The Church used to preach that people without white skin are spawn of the devil and unnatural. And let us not forget because of the pope's need for power and control the reformation was born.

I've had enough

The HIV/AIDS and gay debate has been going on for so long and I’ve decided to stop being fed-up with all the heterosexist remarks and comments. I mean people are all entitled to their opinions so am I. So since I’m an abomination to society, a person who spreads HIV/AIDS (no heterosexuals NEVER spread the virus, they are immune, since HIV/AIDS is a “gay disease”). So laws against my kind is okay to “protect” the innocent heterosexuals, who by the way, are all faithful to their partners (both females and males) and only gays have promiscuous sex and sex outside of marriage. Oops I forgot, we can only have sex outside marriage because it is NEVER for us because it breaks up the family unit and society. I mean, there are no such things as single mothers or fathers in the heterosexual world, no abuse cases, I mean these things only happen because there are gays around. Without gays, these problems will all be solved. The “family” will be sacred again.

So heterosexist people in my book will henceforth be called idiots and ass-holes (or idiotic ass-holes). They spread stupidity and intolerance. So in my book they are incurable. So if you are heterosexist, just remember you are an idiot and ass-hole. Simple. We are gays with a gay disease that is incurable and you are heterosexist with a heterosexist disease that is also incurable. So idiots, try to use condoms and stop spreading your idiotic ass-holism around. The world would be a better place if you don’t have children to spread your idiotic ass-holism in.

Gosh, I feel better now knowing that idiotic ass-holes live just to irritate the world. This would be the last time (I promise myself) that I'll be bothered with idiotic ass-holes. They can believe what they want and I will believe that they are idiots who aren't worth my time at all.

With that done, I’ll now go on to my Church, the Catholic Church. Imagine the first time in 2000 years, the Pope couldn’t give his Easter blessings. It is so very embarrassing. The head of a Church who can’t even do this simple task. Isn’t time he retired? Yes, for those who don’t know, the Pope has to declare that he wants to retire or step down as the Pope then a new one will be elected. But then again the Vatican is more of a political machine than a spiritual place. So please don’t mix the 2 up. The Vatican is the place where politics is played which has nothing to do with the Church proper where spirituality is preached.

Another earthquake in Indonesia

Gosh, like Indonesia needed another earthquake. It is so sad to realised that another one struck Indonesia, south of Sumatra. This time the death toll is said to be about 1000 but I have my doubts. It usually is never this low, especially when the tremors could be felt in Singapore. It seems worse than the last one but it wasn’t in fact it was less (8.2) but it doesn’t make things any better for the people who are still trying to get their lives back together.

Let us offer up a moment of silence for the dead and also to pray to whichever higher power you believe in to help the people in their grief and woes.

The birthtday aftermath

It was so nice. My birthday was yesterday and I got to spend about 28 hours with T. It was great. It is things like this that make me wish we could get married and the live together. Since the first option is not possible, the living together would be nice. But that would also have problems of its own. Like having to ‘justify’ to parents (on both sides) why we have a ‘room-mate’ or why are we not getting our own place but ‘renting’. *sigh* life is just full of problems when you are gay and in love. It is wonderful too, to sneek away from the problems that gays face and enjoy the company of each other (without the problems) for just one day. Short as it might be.

On this day (or was it yesterday), the movie “Moulin Rouge” came to mind where Ewan McGregor said that “Everyone wants to love and to be loved in return”. I think it was said by him in “Moulin Rouge” I could be wrong. But I do realise how true this statement this. I think this is one of the things everyone in the world is looking for be it the love of a friend, family member, partner or even a pet.

All the time I’ve spent with T made me realise how much I have come to love him and how much he loves me. This love seems to grow and not diminish with being with him for about 18 months now. Wow, 18 months, this would be the second longest relationship I’ve been in till date. My longest was 3.5 years long with A, that went bust when his depression took over his logic. So sad, he believed that he could bet his depression by himself but in the end it almost destroyed him. Last I heard he was seeing a shrink. It wasn’t a good parting…… but I survived and moved on.

Well, one shouldn’t dwell too much into the past but remember the good times in it and learn from the bad. After A, I was serious with D but that lasted for a year. A very trying year of the both of us. D and I were so different and this time opposites repelled. But we parted as friends and till now we still keep in touch and meet up once in a while to catch up. We both agreed that we made a very bad couple but at least we tried (boy did we try to work out our differences). Goes to show that good friends don’t necessarily make great couples.

BIRTHDAY TIME!

My birthday today. T has planned a full day for me :). We are going to spend at least the next 24 hours together. So exciting.

If you believe

“People believe what they want to believe”

How true this statement is! Today in the Straits Times, a mother of 2 rebutted to the AIDS problem and the banning of snowball’04. She believed that gays and lesbians are made (nurture) and she believed that they can be ‘converted’ to the ‘alternative lifestyle’.

And here I am a gay man trying to figure out what the ‘gay/lesbian lifestyle’ and ‘alternative lifestyle’ is? According to dictionary.com lifestyle is “A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group”. I have to presume the ‘lifestyle’ of the gay/lesbian community (according to the heterosexist) is party, sex, all the immoral and things that are detrimental to the family and society. What about those that don’t party? Those that don’t use drugs or even have casual sex? Those that have been faithful to one partner for the past 40 years*?

Most of us GLBT want to fall in love and grow old with the person we love. Is there anything wrong with that? And most of us don’t believe in casual sex. There are those that do but then there are also these people in the straight community that do to, even some of the married ones.

The stigmas that the heterosexist people have placed upon the gay/lesbian community is not something that doesn’t happen to the straight community. Talk about anything the gay/lesbian community does that is the ‘gay (alternative) lifestyle’ and I’ll show you that it can also be found in the straight community.

But then again, you can place scientific evidence^# before heterosexist people they still will not believe that we are born (nature) this way. Who in the right mind would want to choose to be gay/lesbian? To be scorned by majority of society? To not have support from friends and family? Even Allan Pease, Barbara Pease, the authors of “Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It” (ISBN 0767907639) states that being gay/lesbian is NOT a choice. People believe what they want to believe.

I have to add that sexuality is a spectrum and not black and white issue. If people start realising that, thanks would be easier. I think this article explains this very well but……

I think that lots of misconception stems from ignorance, something that narrow/closed minded people can never get rid of. Recently I spoke to a Muslim friend of mine and realised that he hate the Jews because he said they were dirty, not fearful of God (pagans in fact) and that he would never be friends or get to know a Jew because he/she was a Jew. Gosh, I was astounded! I could not believe that the deep resentment for a group of people is because of ignorance and that he and people like him will never bother to open their minds to know the other party before making judgements. And mind you he’s not a very devout Muslim either (not gay).

Armed with that I went to talk to my Jewish friends and found out that they felt the same way. Wow! No wonder there can never be any reconciliation between the 2 peoples. I’ve also found out that the gay Jews were more willing to get to know the Muslims (or try and they said) then their heterosexual counterparts. I have a feeling this is because we know what it is like to be judged by labels and we (the GLBT community) is trying (most of us anyway) not to do that.

I believe that being discriminated against has it merits. It makes us more mindful that there are other different people out there and that nobody should be judged especially not by preconceived ideas. Understanding comes after tolerance.


* There are a lot of same sex couples that have not been in the 'limelight' because their relationships last without the bond (binding) of marriage. It is a cause for celebration as it is not easy without the support of government and society. I take my hat off to all couples (straight or otherwise) that are not married and yet have built a life together.
# There have been lots of scientific papers published that shows that homosexuals are born not made. One of the best papers that I’ve read is “Sexually dimorphic gene expression in mouse brain precedes gonadal differentiation” by Phoebe Dewing et al, Molecular Brain Research 118 (2003) 82-90.

As I said before......

My parents can NEVER listen to my opinions. As I suspected, they rearranged my room when I was out of the house! So pissed.

They really don't realise that their bloody ideas are not welcomed at all!

OM......

My room? Yea riiiiiiiiight...

My parents want to ‘renovate’ my room again. And again, they tell me what they want to do, not asking for my opinion mind you, telling.

“So we’ll be changing your window chest of drawers,” my mom.
“What? Why?” me
“So that you have more space to put your stuff.”
“But I don’t need more space.”
“It would be better.”

I said I didn’t want it and it was insisted on me saying that it would be better for me and then the justification comes in. When it comes to my room, or more like my pseudo-room, my opinions never matters, their opinions are the only ones that matter.

So fed-up, it is always like that. They make a decision and just do it. No consultation, just “we are going to this to ‘your’ room, it is for your own good so it is no use saying you don’t want it”.

Gosh, I need to move out!

Yea, if I did I wouldn’t hear the end of it. So now I just have to sit back and wait till I’m 35 to get an apartment of my own. *sigh* long time more to go. Which means that there’ll be lots of bitching and being angry about the lack of freedom. This isn’t good. Must try to be patient and just accept the things that I cannot change. Ha! This coming from an impatient and hot-tempered person. But must try. Om......

The rise of HIV infection in Singapore

It is amazing that our ministers are allowed to spew nonsense and nobody contradicts them, especially when it concerns the GLBT community.

I think that it is time the gahmen of Singapore realises that we are also their citizens and that since we are a secular society where religion has no part to pay in politics or gahmen policies, they should stop trying to marginalise us anymore. Yes, we are different, we love people of the same sex but making us out to be criminals and the bearer of death is not going to solve the problem. The gahmen has always been like this for as long as I know, in order to please the majority, they would sacrifice the minority, in order to get re-elected they would prefer to fan stereotypes then to allow groups or societies to educate the masses. And no, we DO NOT recruit, being gay is not a choice, even though I believe that most of our members of parliament believe that it is. Gosh, are they still living in the Victorian era? Why is it what people do in private is of concern to the gahmen? They are even trying to decriminalise oral sex! Gosh.

As a so-called 'first world' country, we still have decade to catch up with the other first world countries in terms of opinions and mind-sets and policies that don't discriminate. Even Taiwan and Hong Kong, countries that have not obtained their first world status is even more open minded and accepting of different types of people than we are. Taiwan is talking about giving equal rights to same-sex couples and Hong Kong has been holding a gay and lesbian film festival for the past 16 years and they had a gay and lesbian conference last year that was organised by the government of Hong Kong.

Yes, the rise is a concern, but making unjust, homophobic and baseless statements in parliament by the senior minister of health will not help the already bad situation, in fact it would make it worse, gay men or more correctly, men have sex with men (some who don't call themselves gay) will go underground and stop testing themselves. The straight community would start to think that HIV/AIDS is a 'gay disease' and become complacent. Too bad he didn't engage what little brains he had before starting his mouth. Oh by the way Balaji Sadasivan (the aforementioned minister) won an "Just Shut Up" Award.



Taken from mrbrown.com
Hypothesis: Aids MAY be spread by gays breathing on you!!!

I propose that the Government ban all gay parties, especially on our National Day. I read that nine out of 10 of the new Aids sufferers in Singapore last year, are men and a third of them are gay. It’s them darn homo parties, I tell you.

Dr Balaji Sadasivan, who won a spot in David Salyer's "Just Shut Up" Awards, did say it was only a hypothesis, and more research needs to be done.

Sure, hypothesis only, but can get mentioned on the front page of ST first.

And what's up with the "unnamed expert"? Why? Scared all the angry homos go and scold this expert, issit? Or worse, go there and breathe on him to give him Aids, issit?

You don't know, meh? Aids MAY be spread by gay people breathing on the rest of us "normal" people. It's so far only a hypothesis by an expert who shall remain unnamed, and more research needs to be done. But I thought I'd mention it first.



Even Mr Miyagi made a great points.

Two-thirds of AIDS sufferers may say Straits Times is spot-on

They cannot possibly be so dumb, folks.

Don't buy it. In every sense of the word. The statement, and especially, the reporting of the statement. They cannot possibly be so gong.

I'm pulling a very long bow here, but I think the ST may be just trying to make itself more relevant, albeit in a very, very perverse way. So, don't buy a word they're saying. They may be just pulling your chains so you'll talk about them. They may be just making you wonder who that 'unnamed expert' is, whether he/she is from the CDC, the MOH or from some department totally unrelated to health and medicine, but so happens to be an epidemiologist.

I mean, they may just want you to do the math and get worked up: 1/3 of new AIDS cases are gay means 'gay parties may have led to a sharp rise in new AIDS cases'.

They also may just want you to know how they're tackling the epidemic, and how it is global, because gays from high prevalent societies, they come to party and end up 'seeding the local community with infection'.

Right now, you may be thinking about what the MOH is doing to work and manage a cure, whether anyone at the Biopolis Hub Thing is working on something, whether there are drug trials, whether they'll do something once Snowball and Nation moves to Bangkok and the number of AIDS cases rises anyway, and whether they'll say 1/3 of new AIDS cases are gay means gay parties in Bangkok may have led to a sharp rise in AIDS cases because gay men went to Bangkok, whether we may be living in the Dark Ages.

You may say what you want, but don't say Straits Times never make you think!


P.S. mrbrown and Mr Miyagi are straight and married but NOT narrow*

* This 'clause' is there just in case some people think that only the GLBT community think this way.

Very good rebuttal

I came from NUS and when I read the article in the Straits Times stating that "NUS has beaten Princeton and Cornell" in social sciences I couldn't help but read it with disbelief. Now at least I'm not the only one who doesn't agree. The following rebuttal (taken from Scroobal from Sammyboy forum) really takes the cake and I totally agree with it.

-------------------------------------------------

I think it is a sparkling testament to NUS and the country.

It is no surprise as we have repeatedly achieved high accolades in the various disciplines that have been unanimously identified as Singaporean in nature and in form.

Singapore remarkable credits include the nobel prize in a number of fields. Our Patent applications flood the Patent office around the world. We discovered the cure for aids, sent women to the moon, changed iron to gold and found the holy grail. We invented the tissue paper, the condom and the printing press. Our latest invention is Newater and the product name won the award for most innovative branding name in the history of marketing.

Our automobiles ply the O'Bahns, the expressways and the turnpikes of the every city in the developed world. Our trademark highrise apartments caricatured by lift lendings on every 5th floor is the bedrock of modern town planning and found in many parts of the world.

We taught the Chinese in PRC how to develop their econmomy, their townships and their superannuation for their old age. Our deeds are now adopted as part of the English Language by the entry of the word "Suzhoued" in the Oxford Dictionary meaning "screwed by peasants"

We changed the face of aviation by developing the the world's first Vertical Takeoff aircraft called the Harry Jet. We sell submarines to Sweden, we teach US pilots to fly supersonic jets at Luke Air force base. Our Shipyards launch the largest ocean going passenger vessels and our naval architects designed the hovercraft.

Our world class universities receive scholars all over the world that for the lack of space we send ours to Princeton, Cornell, Columbia, Oxford and Cambridge. Works of our academics are published in distinguished journals like the New England journal of medicine, the New York Law Review and the Oxford Journal of Nuclear Physics. We wrote the book about Plate Tectonics, assembled the human genome and pioneered foot reflexology. We discovered the most elements in the periodic table and predicted that the world was round.

Our alumni include the secretary general of the United Nations, the Prime Ministers of many countries, the Pope, the Ayatollah of Iran, astronaut Neil Armstrong, Steve Jobs and at least half a dozen CEOs of Asia Fortune 500 companies.

Yep, we are indeed better than Princeton.

ps. we unfortunately are still trying to pick out a national dress.

Tolerance

It seems in this world the more we progress the more we become intolerant of other people. I'm not only talking about sexual diversity but also of language, race and creed. This is happening everyone, even in the places where all people are considered equal. I’m talking about the Church here. Every time the Christian church makes a notice about gay rights and so on, I get worked up about it and then get sad, realising that the one place that I was suppose to feel safe in not there for me at all. I wonder if this is the church the Christ founded.

I’m a cradle Catholic and from the time I realised that I’m gay, I’ve felt nothing but God’s love for me. I became very spiritual and really love the church. The church, not the hierarchy. I couldn’t care less about the hierarchy, which is the Vatican, the people who can never seen beyond their own noses. I personally feel the hierarchy of the church is like the Pharisees of the Jesus’ time. I know a lot of religious rights people who would crucify me because of this but to say the least, I don’t really care. I believe that if my God is as petty and narrow-minded as they are, then I don’t think heaven would be a place for me. We can actually throw away the hymns that say “God is love” and etc. as apparently these churches believe that God actually hates some people.

Can you believe a church that doesn’t learn from its own mistakes? The chuch believed that the Africans who they believed were the spawn of the devil (this is recorded in the Catholic church achieves) on account of their skin colour, the burnt women on the stack because they believe that they were witches, they the protestants were cults of the devil because they broke off from the ‘true’ church, places Galileo under house arrest because he said the earth revolved around the sun, etc. Up till today, the ‘Pharisees’ in the Vatican and its hierarchy still think they are infallible.

I have a feeling that people are not happy until they can discriminate against some people or another. It was the Africans before then the Jews, the feminist and now the GLTB community. Well, all I can say it is a privilege to be able to know the ‘evils’ of discrimination. If I’m not gay, I wouldn’t be able to see the world as I see it now. A place that is beautiful but ……

People have to start realising that being spiritual and being religious are 2 different things. A country that is ruled by religion is a country that is doomed to fail. Europe is the best example, a continent that allowed the Church to rule. Where the rich were exalted and the poor stepped upon. It is only when they separated church and state, i.e. became a secular government, that we see society progressing as it should. We all know that the darkest periods in the history of Europe was when the Church ruled it.

I believe the site www.tolerance.org really is a wonderful site. Also this www.soulforce.org which believes in educating people and that the enemy is not the homophobes/heterosexist but untruths, really wonderful site. Really have to be a saint to love the people who hate you.

There is a book by Philip Yancey, "What's So Amazing About Grace?" (ISBN: 0310245656) It is a book that lots of churches hate (the truth hurts I always say). It is not even sold in the Catholic bookshops in Singapore! It takes about the church being not being the grace giver that Christ was. Churches tend to pick and choose the ‘members’ that they want. It is really a wonderful book, I would ask all who are interested to read it, it would really open your eyes about the state of Churches in the world and the hypocrisy involved.

The next day

Another holiday and today I really love it. It is my own day, unlike yesterday.

Went to gym to spin today. It was really great. I do think that this spinning instructor is cute, though a lot of people would disagree with me. It really makes me realise that there is a ‘type’ of person for everyone. T and I have so different taste in men that it doesn’t seem so amazing that we find each other attractive. Of course there will be some people that we agree is cute but most of the time we don’t. I love diversity and celebrate it. Okay, digressing again, well, I teased him a lot today (the spinning instructor not T). Hehehe… most of us would agree it is flirting actually. It was really fun.

After a long break, spinning today was really wonderful. It got my body moving again. Even though this morning I wanted to skip it. :P

What happened to T? Well, the first day of the Lunar New Year is always a time for family to get together and his is no exception, hmmm… I would how many ‘marriage’ questions he had.

Meeting him later today to watch ‘Constantine’.

......

Not a bad show but there were so many ‘teachings’ that were Catholic in nature that I wonder how many non-Catholics really understand it. I was translating the Latin parts to T, it was fun, hmmm… at least I can still remember some of my Latin. He was actually surprised that I knew Latin. It is not a movie in the ledge of ‘Spiderman’ but it has its merits.

Happy Lunar New Year... sort of

The first day of the Lunar New Year.

I never really enjoyed the Lunar New Year pass the age of 12, to many people and too much hob-nobbing around with family. Family, I will add who don't like me. Family politics. But then again that is my paternal side. My maternal side loves me. ;)

We had only 1 person to visit and that is my maternal aunt. It is rather fun to be there but I always wait for the dreaded question, which all GLBT people hate, “when are you getting married” ahhhhhhhhhhh…

Living in a society like Singapore, where the older generation doesn’t seem to understand that being single is okay, is really frustrating sometimes. Especially, it seems that they seem to want to marry everyone off. Of course I know that they have my interest at heart, but they just don’t get the fact that I can still live without someone in my life, who would I need a woman to take care of me? Or why would a single girl need a man to take care of her?

But then again, they have no idea I'm gay and that I'm already spoken for. Which actually is the sad part of any GLBT's life. We can never share the job of finding a boyfriend or girlfriend with our family. Most of us in this 'asian' society would never want to tell.

I do know of people who believe that being single in okay. A lot of my friends (straight, GLBT) who said that they would like to find someone to just grow old together, be it a lover, husband, wife or even a very close friend. I think that is the basic things that we look for when we want to find a partner in life, just someone who will grow old with us. That is the thing the world doesn't understand, it has nothing to do with sex but intimacy, the fact that we want to love and be loved in return by someone. We are no different from our straight counterparts, only difference is that we fall in love with the people of the same sex. Of course the religious people would have lots of things to say against this but that is for another time.

Well the day ended and I’ll still alive. Thank goodness tomorrow is my own day.