If you believe

“People believe what they want to believe”

How true this statement is! Today in the Straits Times, a mother of 2 rebutted to the AIDS problem and the banning of snowball’04. She believed that gays and lesbians are made (nurture) and she believed that they can be ‘converted’ to the ‘alternative lifestyle’.

And here I am a gay man trying to figure out what the ‘gay/lesbian lifestyle’ and ‘alternative lifestyle’ is? According to dictionary.com lifestyle is “A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group”. I have to presume the ‘lifestyle’ of the gay/lesbian community (according to the heterosexist) is party, sex, all the immoral and things that are detrimental to the family and society. What about those that don’t party? Those that don’t use drugs or even have casual sex? Those that have been faithful to one partner for the past 40 years*?

Most of us GLBT want to fall in love and grow old with the person we love. Is there anything wrong with that? And most of us don’t believe in casual sex. There are those that do but then there are also these people in the straight community that do to, even some of the married ones.

The stigmas that the heterosexist people have placed upon the gay/lesbian community is not something that doesn’t happen to the straight community. Talk about anything the gay/lesbian community does that is the ‘gay (alternative) lifestyle’ and I’ll show you that it can also be found in the straight community.

But then again, you can place scientific evidence^# before heterosexist people they still will not believe that we are born (nature) this way. Who in the right mind would want to choose to be gay/lesbian? To be scorned by majority of society? To not have support from friends and family? Even Allan Pease, Barbara Pease, the authors of “Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It” (ISBN 0767907639) states that being gay/lesbian is NOT a choice. People believe what they want to believe.

I have to add that sexuality is a spectrum and not black and white issue. If people start realising that, thanks would be easier. I think this article explains this very well but……

I think that lots of misconception stems from ignorance, something that narrow/closed minded people can never get rid of. Recently I spoke to a Muslim friend of mine and realised that he hate the Jews because he said they were dirty, not fearful of God (pagans in fact) and that he would never be friends or get to know a Jew because he/she was a Jew. Gosh, I was astounded! I could not believe that the deep resentment for a group of people is because of ignorance and that he and people like him will never bother to open their minds to know the other party before making judgements. And mind you he’s not a very devout Muslim either (not gay).

Armed with that I went to talk to my Jewish friends and found out that they felt the same way. Wow! No wonder there can never be any reconciliation between the 2 peoples. I’ve also found out that the gay Jews were more willing to get to know the Muslims (or try and they said) then their heterosexual counterparts. I have a feeling this is because we know what it is like to be judged by labels and we (the GLBT community) is trying (most of us anyway) not to do that.

I believe that being discriminated against has it merits. It makes us more mindful that there are other different people out there and that nobody should be judged especially not by preconceived ideas. Understanding comes after tolerance.


* There are a lot of same sex couples that have not been in the 'limelight' because their relationships last without the bond (binding) of marriage. It is a cause for celebration as it is not easy without the support of government and society. I take my hat off to all couples (straight or otherwise) that are not married and yet have built a life together.
# There have been lots of scientific papers published that shows that homosexuals are born not made. One of the best papers that I’ve read is “Sexually dimorphic gene expression in mouse brain precedes gonadal differentiation” by Phoebe Dewing et al, Molecular Brain Research 118 (2003) 82-90.