Today is so ridiculous! The office is much colder than it is outside, it is windy outside. Can you imagine how awful it is. As much as I like the cold, this is ridiculous for an office. My fingers are so cold that it is clamming up, I can hardly type and it is my work progress so much slower than it is suppose to. Gosh. There were people moving in and out trying to fix the problem but until now (they started since yesterday) nothing seems to have been done. I really can't wait to go out into the heat. This is almost as bad as my company in Singapore; Very cold inside, very warm outside but here it is very cold inside but warmer outside. Less of a contrast.
Last night I had the shock of my life. A return ticket to Singapore in December will cost me AUD1400 or so. I couldn't believe it. I have never paid that much for a plane ticket before except when I was going to New York. The prices I checked was from zuji.com and it only had Singapore Air and Qantas so it could be rather high because of that. Those 2 airlines have never been known for cheap fares. I'll be going down to a travel agent this weekend to check out the prices and maybe make a reservation. I just hope I'll just have to spend about AUD1000 on it. If I went back at some other time it would cost much less. Well, what to do, if not for my parents, I wouldn't bother at all but wait until next March or so to return and do some shopping.
Another incident happened last night that I couldn't understand. I had a 'depression' attack. I became so down at about 9PM or so and it was so weird. I realised one cause was because I miss T so much. It seems after so long (about 3.5 weeks) this feeling has not really subsided. I think I'm just getting used to it and not really miss him less. Is that how people really cope, by getting used to things? I just hope attacks like that wouldn't happen too often. It is bad enough last night, T was so worried and was wondering what was happening to me. I couldn't even understand it. Maybe I just need more friends to have that human contact that a 'people person' like me craves. :P
30 August 2005
21 August 2005
So lost today
Today is another day where I'm letting the future get to me. I know that I'm suppose to all God to lead me for my coming here was part of God's divine will. What God has in store for me (and T) I really cannot comprehend. And basically that is the problem. I keep having this feeling that I want to get back to Singapore as fast as possible, I don't know if that stems from either:
1) The fact that I'm more or less alone here and have no friends as yet
2) That T is not here with me and I'm feeling his absence more and more
3) The unknown future (like how to deal with my parents visiting me and T when T comes over, should I buy a house here...)
So many things and too much to worry about. That is my problem, I know in my heart that God has sent me here for a reason and I'm to find that out. Whether I'll be stay in Australia for the rest of my life and another matter altogether, but that is what I'm worrying about. I really like it here but there are too many unknowns at this moment (parents, T, friends or lack there of) that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Gosh, Lord, I really need to calm myself down and put all my trust in you, knowing that you'll bless me in my life and that in the end everything will turn out well if I just let you guide. I just hope that I'll be able to do that, letting the Lord guide me that is. Being human, we tend to believe in our own power, thinking that we have control of our lives and planning for the future would be the only way to go but we keep forgetting about the parable of the rich man and his rich harvest (the one where he wanted to tear down his barns and build bigger ones but the Lord called him a fool because he was going to die that night). I must remember that and forget about my worries because with God in the drivers seat, we can sleep comfortable in the back knowing that things will turn out right.
1) The fact that I'm more or less alone here and have no friends as yet
2) That T is not here with me and I'm feeling his absence more and more
3) The unknown future (like how to deal with my parents visiting me and T when T comes over, should I buy a house here...)
So many things and too much to worry about. That is my problem, I know in my heart that God has sent me here for a reason and I'm to find that out. Whether I'll be stay in Australia for the rest of my life and another matter altogether, but that is what I'm worrying about. I really like it here but there are too many unknowns at this moment (parents, T, friends or lack there of) that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Gosh, Lord, I really need to calm myself down and put all my trust in you, knowing that you'll bless me in my life and that in the end everything will turn out well if I just let you guide. I just hope that I'll be able to do that, letting the Lord guide me that is. Being human, we tend to believe in our own power, thinking that we have control of our lives and planning for the future would be the only way to go but we keep forgetting about the parable of the rich man and his rich harvest (the one where he wanted to tear down his barns and build bigger ones but the Lord called him a fool because he was going to die that night). I must remember that and forget about my worries because with God in the drivers seat, we can sleep comfortable in the back knowing that things will turn out right.
20 August 2005
Saving Face
It really is watching shows like this that allows me to really really appreciate NO censorship. "Saving Face" is a movie by Alice Wu (written and directed). The movie is not bad. The beginning part really played up the Chinese community, the cultural aspects of things. It's portray of the Chinese community and its cultural was very accurate but the ending was a let down, Alice allowed her wants and fantasies to overshadow the reality of the situations. Thus it became a typical Hollywood happy ending (girl gets girl, mother gets her man), even though it is really culturally not possible. Not for majority of the Chinese community anyway.
There was this part where Wil came out to her ma but her ma's reaction was typical, "我是个好妈，你不可能是 gay". Like the 2 are linked!
I would recommend people to watch this movie, as it really shows the "face" of the Chinese and how much one generation has changed in its thinking.
Synopsis of Saving Face:
For 28-year old New Yorker Wilhelmina "Wil" Pang (Michelle Krusiee), life is a juggling act between a promising career as a surgeon and her responsibilities as a dutiful daughter. Like the #7 train she takes to visit her Chinese family on a weekly basis, Wil is perpetually in transit between two worlds. The expectations of the Flushing, Queens society she is from and the desires that alienate her from it have made Wil content to live below the surface -- even if it means playing an inadvertent game of charades with her widowed mother (Joan Chen) and the old world Ma represents. The masquerade is comic even in its pain as Wil tolerates Ma's weekly set ups with eligible Chinese-American boys at the Friday Chinese socials; but it quickly becomes a farce when Ma's mask cracks first.
One night, Wil comes home to find Ma on her doorstep -pregnant. Disgraced by the Chinese community, and with no where else to go, Ma moves in with her daughter, making it difficult for Wil to nurture a budding relationship with gorgeous dance Vivian (Lynn Chen). As her carefully compartmentalised worlds collide, Wil is forced to find her mother a husband, placate her girlfriend, and choose between breaking a cycle of keeping up appearances, or risk losing the girl she loves.
SAVING FACE is a romantic comedy about a daughter struggling to understand her mother's heart, which ultimately allows her to understand her own. It is the story of unspoken loves, contemporary and cultural taboos, and the journey of two women towards living their lives honestly.
There was this part where Wil came out to her ma but her ma's reaction was typical, "我是个好妈，你不可能是 gay". Like the 2 are linked!
I would recommend people to watch this movie, as it really shows the "face" of the Chinese and how much one generation has changed in its thinking.
Synopsis of Saving Face:
For 28-year old New Yorker Wilhelmina "Wil" Pang (Michelle Krusiee), life is a juggling act between a promising career as a surgeon and her responsibilities as a dutiful daughter. Like the #7 train she takes to visit her Chinese family on a weekly basis, Wil is perpetually in transit between two worlds. The expectations of the Flushing, Queens society she is from and the desires that alienate her from it have made Wil content to live below the surface -- even if it means playing an inadvertent game of charades with her widowed mother (Joan Chen) and the old world Ma represents. The masquerade is comic even in its pain as Wil tolerates Ma's weekly set ups with eligible Chinese-American boys at the Friday Chinese socials; but it quickly becomes a farce when Ma's mask cracks first.
One night, Wil comes home to find Ma on her doorstep -pregnant. Disgraced by the Chinese community, and with no where else to go, Ma moves in with her daughter, making it difficult for Wil to nurture a budding relationship with gorgeous dance Vivian (Lynn Chen). As her carefully compartmentalised worlds collide, Wil is forced to find her mother a husband, placate her girlfriend, and choose between breaking a cycle of keeping up appearances, or risk losing the girl she loves.
SAVING FACE is a romantic comedy about a daughter struggling to understand her mother's heart, which ultimately allows her to understand her own. It is the story of unspoken loves, contemporary and cultural taboos, and the journey of two women towards living their lives honestly.
19 August 2005
TGIF
My first week of work and today is the last day, TGIF!
Work has been slow the past week and the people here are different from the ones in Singapore. I've been left alone most of the time, unlike in Singapore wherever I went to a new company, most people will try to make me feel welcome, asking me out for lunch and etc. Over here it really is 'each for his/her own'. Culture shock, yea in a way but I think it should be expected. I think I was lucky in my past 2 jobs in that the people were all friendly. Well, it will take time but I think I can break into the culture sooner or later (I hope sooner though).
So one week gone and work is starting to pick up. According to E, he and R has lots in store for me to do. It will take time and I'll slowly get more and more busy.
T and I are coping with being apart. We have webcamed a lot, so we can see each other. I really miss the intimate moments we have, like when I 'bite' him on the shoulder when there is nobody around (like in supermarkets, bookstores, etc.) my sign of affection :) and of course I do miss the more physical intimate times that we have too. Well, we all have to make sacrifices. I'm just hoping that these 2 years will pass fast so that we can be together again.
Speaking of which, T was wondering if I would ever move back to Singapore again. Well, I told him nothing is carved in stone so anything is possible. I just pray that in the next 10 years or so, we would really see change in Singapore, not just in the economic sense. It wouldn't be easy but if the gahmen decide to repell section 377 from the penal code, then I can say that equality is starting to set in in Singapore. So there would really be a "society built on justice and EQUALITY", which at this moment there isn't.
Work has been slow the past week and the people here are different from the ones in Singapore. I've been left alone most of the time, unlike in Singapore wherever I went to a new company, most people will try to make me feel welcome, asking me out for lunch and etc. Over here it really is 'each for his/her own'. Culture shock, yea in a way but I think it should be expected. I think I was lucky in my past 2 jobs in that the people were all friendly. Well, it will take time but I think I can break into the culture sooner or later (I hope sooner though).
So one week gone and work is starting to pick up. According to E, he and R has lots in store for me to do. It will take time and I'll slowly get more and more busy.
T and I are coping with being apart. We have webcamed a lot, so we can see each other. I really miss the intimate moments we have, like when I 'bite' him on the shoulder when there is nobody around (like in supermarkets, bookstores, etc.) my sign of affection :) and of course I do miss the more physical intimate times that we have too. Well, we all have to make sacrifices. I'm just hoping that these 2 years will pass fast so that we can be together again.
Speaking of which, T was wondering if I would ever move back to Singapore again. Well, I told him nothing is carved in stone so anything is possible. I just pray that in the next 10 years or so, we would really see change in Singapore, not just in the economic sense. It wouldn't be easy but if the gahmen decide to repell section 377 from the penal code, then I can say that equality is starting to set in in Singapore. So there would really be a "society built on justice and EQUALITY", which at this moment there isn't.
12 August 2005
One week later
Well, I've survived one week (excluding) without T and I survived. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be after I've accepted the fact and know that we'll be together sometime later. It seems that I'm rather stong contrary to what I thought I would be. Homesickness is gone too. So now just have work too look forward to.
I went in to the office today and was given a job to do (even though it was suppose to be a familiarisation), but I'm not complaining. It is fun. I've started doing it even though I know I don't have to. I think I'll finish it by today and then when Monday arrives, I'll just have to see if it works with the data. Rather exciting.
Today, it was a bit warmer than yesterday. This week was the coldest week in Melbourne, it seems that it has never been this cold for 20 years. So now warmer weather should be here. :)
I went in to the office today and was given a job to do (even though it was suppose to be a familiarisation), but I'm not complaining. It is fun. I've started doing it even though I know I don't have to. I think I'll finish it by today and then when Monday arrives, I'll just have to see if it works with the data. Rather exciting.
Today, it was a bit warmer than yesterday. This week was the coldest week in Melbourne, it seems that it has never been this cold for 20 years. So now warmer weather should be here. :)
10 August 2005
Such is the world
At last, my long 'vacation' is coming to an end. Starting work next Monday and I have to go in on Friday to do some paperwork. What is a job without paperwork.
Just opened my bank account today. Gosh, ever since 9/11 all banks have stepped up security. I thought it was only in Singapore but it seems that Hong Kong and Australia too. So I have to gather that all the world has done this. I had such a difficult time getting a savings account opened but at least it is opened now.
There was a problem with my rental agreement so I had to go to the house agent's office to get her to rectify it, then had to travel back to t he bank again to open my account. Such a nuisance but at least it is done.
It was suppose to be cold today with sleet but the sun is out and it is warm. As usual cannot trust weather reports even here. That is what my roommate told me.
Been communicating with T via IM and webcams. It is cool, at least we can see each other and 'chat' even though we are miles apart. I do miss him but hey, we'll get through this and he'll join me soon. I just hope it wouldn't take too long though :P.
Just opened my bank account today. Gosh, ever since 9/11 all banks have stepped up security. I thought it was only in Singapore but it seems that Hong Kong and Australia too. So I have to gather that all the world has done this. I had such a difficult time getting a savings account opened but at least it is opened now.
There was a problem with my rental agreement so I had to go to the house agent's office to get her to rectify it, then had to travel back to t he bank again to open my account. Such a nuisance but at least it is done.
It was suppose to be cold today with sleet but the sun is out and it is warm. As usual cannot trust weather reports even here. That is what my roommate told me.
Been communicating with T via IM and webcams. It is cool, at least we can see each other and 'chat' even though we are miles apart. I do miss him but hey, we'll get through this and he'll join me soon. I just hope it wouldn't take too long though :P.
07 August 2005
Parting
Well, it was a blissful 2 weeks but T has returned to Singapore this afternoon. It wasn't easy but we believe that if our love is strong and true, we'll be able to survive this and in 2 years time he'd return and we'll have our lives together again. Yup, he's going back and will be back in 2 years time.
He just got a new job in Singapore and he wants to make the most out of it before coming over. That is the reason why his 'vacation' had to be cut short by 1 week.
The parting was not really bad. I have this ache in my heart but I know in time it would be manageable. At the end of the year, I'll be going back to Singapore and mid next year he'll be coming back, so our partings are about 6 months long. Only 104 weeks I tell myself wishing I have a time machine to move past this 'difficult' time.
Whether we'll survive 2 years apart is another thing. But I believe that when God shows you your soulmate, God'll not take him away just for the fun of it. So if God willing and us trying, we'll be together again. Until that day arrives, I'll keep myself busy and make full use of my life. I am comfortable being alone, so with T away, I'm more alone now that ever.
Everyone back home (my tons of friends whom I dearly miss) said that it shouldn't be a problem for me to make friends here, with my character. That I really don't know. The culture here is very different and not that I feel inferior to the whites here. Gosh, me feel inferior to anyone? Got to be joking :).
I hope that things work out well for me. I'm still waiting to sign on the dotted line on my job (yup, I haven't started working as yet) this is because of red tape (as usual). I know that I'll gain a lot from this job. I really thank my Lord for this opportunity, even though I did doubt a lot about it when I first arrived.
Today's gospel was about Peter's walk on water with Jesus, it was this that made me realise that I shouldn't doubt Jesus' love and care for me but to know that this opportunity was given to me because Jesus wanted me to have it. So I should cherish it and not waste it. This could be a test for me to prove to nobody but myself that I can survive this, especially with God behind me.
He just got a new job in Singapore and he wants to make the most out of it before coming over. That is the reason why his 'vacation' had to be cut short by 1 week.
The parting was not really bad. I have this ache in my heart but I know in time it would be manageable. At the end of the year, I'll be going back to Singapore and mid next year he'll be coming back, so our partings are about 6 months long. Only 104 weeks I tell myself wishing I have a time machine to move past this 'difficult' time.
Whether we'll survive 2 years apart is another thing. But I believe that when God shows you your soulmate, God'll not take him away just for the fun of it. So if God willing and us trying, we'll be together again. Until that day arrives, I'll keep myself busy and make full use of my life. I am comfortable being alone, so with T away, I'm more alone now that ever.
Everyone back home (my tons of friends whom I dearly miss) said that it shouldn't be a problem for me to make friends here, with my character. That I really don't know. The culture here is very different and not that I feel inferior to the whites here. Gosh, me feel inferior to anyone? Got to be joking :).
I hope that things work out well for me. I'm still waiting to sign on the dotted line on my job (yup, I haven't started working as yet) this is because of red tape (as usual). I know that I'll gain a lot from this job. I really thank my Lord for this opportunity, even though I did doubt a lot about it when I first arrived.
Today's gospel was about Peter's walk on water with Jesus, it was this that made me realise that I shouldn't doubt Jesus' love and care for me but to know that this opportunity was given to me because Jesus wanted me to have it. So I should cherish it and not waste it. This could be a test for me to prove to nobody but myself that I can survive this, especially with God behind me.
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