Forget the Bad

What's the key to a rewarding and lasting relationship?

Some people may tell you that it is to find out each other's weaknesses, understand them, and work through them together as a couple. Although this is feasible to a certain extent, it can become frustrating and exhausting, because there will be problem spots that you won't be able to resolve together.

A woman discovered what loving someone truly involved, when she asked her husband to try out a relationship-building exercise she came across in a magazine.

She approached him and said, "I read in a magazine a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage. Each of us will write a list of the things we find a bit annoying about the other person. Then we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together."

Her husband agreed, so each of them went into a separate room and thought of all the things that annoyed them about each other. They thought about this for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with.

The following morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists.

"I'll start," offered the wife and took out her list. It had many items on it. Enough to fill three pages in fact. As she started reading the list of little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husband's eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," her husband replied, "Keep reading your list."

The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over it.

"Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both of our lists," she said happily.

Softly, her husband started, "I don't have anything on my list. I love you the way you are. And I wouldn't want to try and change anything about you." Very often, raising the negative aspects of a relationship can erode its strength rather than reinforce it. When you love someone, it should be in spite of his or her flaws. There will always be things to disappoint, depress and annoy us about our partners. But why dwell on these when there is so much beauty, promise and light as well?

Two simple tips for couples
To make full your loving cup
If you're wrong, admit it
If you're right, shut up


Good advice for couples but you also shouldn't bottle up things that you can't stand about your partner, talking about things that irritate you is good too but it shouldn't be a 'you did this, you did that' it should be a 'I'm not happy when you do this' because the first approach is more of a personal attack and the second is a 'there are things about your behaviour that I don't like'. I learnt that the hard way, not with T but with A, my first boyfriend and D (my second) help me to understand this.

Singapore Clamps Down On Gay Web Sites

by Peter Hacker 365Gay.com Asia Bureau Chief

Posted: October 28, 2005 11:00 am ET

(Singapore) Singapore dealt another blow to the city-state's LGBT community on Friday banning one gay Web site and fining another.

The government controls the internet through its Media Development Authority. The MDA said that both sites - one based in Singapore, the other overseas - contained offensive material.

It said that it acted after receiving complaints about the two companies. An MDA investigation found what the agency called content "promoting a promiscuous homosexual lifestyle".

Both sites contained information on dating and hookups and had nude photographs. The offshore site, which was not publicly named, was also accused of trying to recruit underage boys for sex - a charge often leveled by the government against gays.

Homosexuality is illegal in Singapore. In addition it bans nude images on the internet.

The government cannot prosecute the offshore company, but the local Web site, identified as "Meet Gay Singapore Friends", was fined $3,000 (US) and warned it would be closed down if it did not remove the offensive material. The company said on Friday it would comply.

Despite the criminalization of homosexuality Singapore's government has made continued statements that it does not discriminate against gays

High-ranking Singapore officials have blamed gay events for rising HIV infections. The country also has banned Asia's largest gay-themed party, Nation '05, from its shores. The event has been moved to Thailand.

In August the The government issued a warning to gays traveling to Singapore that they could face imprisonment if they are caught having gay sex.

©365Gay.com 2005

I'm okay with the gahmen banning pornographic sites, even though it is rather against free will.

This is another example of our non-homophobic gahmen because there is another Singapore website (sammyboy.com) that has porn and such and yet it is still up and running and it seems gahmen is doing nothing. So heterosexual porn is okay but not homosexual porn.

Birthday apart

Today is T's birthday and for the first time we have been together that I'm not celebrating it with him. :( I really, really hate this. I knew that this will happen when I came over but I didn't know it would make me feel this bad and sad. *sigh*

It didn't really help with me watching the last season of "Sex and the city" again, the one where everything worked out. Charlotte York (Kristin Davis)'s husband Harry Goldenblatt (Evan Handler) is so nice and sweet, reminded me so much of T (character wise). The whole of the last season made me want to be with him even more, to be living with him ASAP.

At last someone she wouldn't kill

I was so happy to learn that my best friend (O) has found a boyfriend. She even sms'ed me from Singapore to tell me about it. Gosh, never seen her so excited before and it is the first time she has used the b word on a guy. :) Don't know much about him though, she is rather illusive about telling me stuff but then I'll interrogate her when she comes for a visit in December.

I have known O for more than 10 years and this is the first time that she knows a guy whom she can chat with without feeling like she wants to kill him. The other guys she dated (she said went out with but no boyfriend) have all gotten on her nerves after a while, too clingy, too boring, too full of himself... so it is a thrill she can actually find a guy who meets her criteria of being a boyfriend.

Another earthquake

Gosh, another one, an earthquake yesterday (8 Oct 2005). Let us all remember the people who have died and the ones who have been left behind, who have to pick up the pieces.

God bless them. Amen.

My musings

Except taken from Todayonline.com
7 Oct 2005

PM confident of strong poll showing, though it won't be 2001 again

--- snip ---

While he reiterated the Government's disapproval of the liberal "Western model" for Singapore's purposes, Mr Lee listed the sort of changes he expects to see.

"I think in 20 years, our society will change. I think the politics of it will change. The issues probably will change, although the fundamentals of living in this small red dot will remain the same," he said.

Will one of those changes include a gay Cabinet minister, or is the Government homophobic? "I don't think we are homophobic," he replied, asserting his agreement with the views of then-Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong that gays are "people like you and me", in Mr Lee's words.

"But there are some segments of Singaporeans who may even disagree with that, and we have to be aware of that," he said.
These are factors the Government must take into account, he said, when gay groups want to "flaunt (their) gayness" through parades and parties like the Nation.05.

"I'm not sure I want to do that in Singapore because I think it will be offensive to a large number of Singaporeans and will be very divisive," he added.

In a brief 10-minute speech before the Q&A, he highlighted the need to encourage diversity but not division, especially when it comes to nurturing the next generation, one of four main tasks he identified as needed in the next 20 years.

--- snip ---

Not homophobic? Let us now see:

1. Section 377 crimilising gay sex is still around


2. The internet penal code states "whether the material advocates homosexuality or lesbianism, or depicts or promotes incest, paedophilia, bestiality and necrophilia" is prohibited on 'moral' grounds


3. Anything (print, movies, TV shows) that shows homosexuality as normal or in a good light is considered advocating homosexuality and is NOT allowed (the reverse is allowed)


4. Gay support groups like "People Like Us" are not allowed to form officially


5. 2 gay parties (Snowball 2004 and Nation 2005) were banned because they 'promoted' homosexuality and risky behaviour i.e. increase the number of gays who will contract HIV


6. Los Angeles-based Christian gay pop musicians Jason and deMarco were the planned feature performers for the April 3 Action for AIDS event organised by Christian group Safehaven was banned because they 'promoted homosexuality'

Nice to know that I'm a law breaker (section 377) and immoral (internet penal code, censorship).

Then read this article.

The government is not homophobic, the Prime Minister says

Let's say together "4 legs good, 2 legs better".

First PT in AU

Tonight was the first night of my personal training (PT) at my gym.

It was really terrible. I couldn't believe that after 2.5 months of stopping my PT in Sg my endurance and stamina had dropped to my pre-PT level!

It was only half and hour long but I was dizzy and out of breath and was about to puke at the end of it, all the symptoms of an unfit person doing exercise and to think that I'm going to the gym regularly. I was so embrassed. Apparently, lifting weights is different from doing cardio. Strange.

Anyhow, I just hope that my next one would be better.

Happy (belated) Anniversary

Hahahaha... was talking to T today and realised that I've had my blog for a 13 months now. Wow, that is a long time and I also have realised after reading this blog again, that I've started becoming more 'talkative' than I was when I started.

It is nice to be able to have my thoughts out there (hopfully I wouldn't get into any trouble :) ). At least I have an outlet for my opinions.

Bombings

Let us take a moment to remember the ones who have died in yesterday's Bali bombing and also pray that these terrorist will see the error of their ways soon. So help us God.

Tulips

It was a wonderful day today. Went out with a gay group to the Tulip festival.

The people were nice and somehow I fit right in. :)

I'm very tired now (walking almost the whole day).